These are the words written by E.M Forster at the beginning of "Howard's End."  I loved that book. I felt it in every fibre of my being. I craved "connection," love, home, family. Everything that Howard's End grew to symbolize. I remember writing a paper in graduate school called "The Practical and the Poetic: An Antidote to the Daily Grey." I compared the Schlegel's to a world of art, culture and color in direct contrast to the dull, grey business like demeanor of the Wilcox's . I wanted to love a Leonard Baste. I needed the practical business acumen of a Wilcox.

I have often spoken of images, of bridges. These are my symbolic hopes for the connection Forster spoke of. I have always felt "alone" even in enormous crowds. Always the outsider, the poet, the philosopher, the observer. I have never felt, except on my mission, any real possibility for "connection in this world."  Love has come to me and left. My heart has been bereft. I have been feeling with all of my health problems that I might leave this earth before I ever felt I was here. My children have been my greatest achievement. But, I don't own them. As much as i love them, more and more I have to let them grow free. They are both now taller than me!

And, then suddenly: Color, I brought color into my own life when I was absolutely down and despondent sick at heart and sick in body. I wondered if I would ever feel well enough again to really enjoy the beauty of the out doors. This past six months has been the most excruciatingly, physically painful time of my entire life. Sometimes I can't even believe it is my life.

And so I chose color to save me. I spent every last penny I had on beautiful fabrics. Each day my mailbox felt like a holiday as i opened the packages and surrounded myself in piles of colorful fabric. I truly had no idea what i was going to do with it.

I just knew it was the antitdote to everything that had become my dull, grey life.

And so, i made things. And on them, I appliqued little pieces of my heart. This heart that has been so teased and taunted for being childlike and impractical and not of this world. And it was as if a floodgate came loose as i began to simply create from my heart.

Seventy orders in 17 days. I have boutiques BEGGING me to wholesale to them. Everybody loves the COLORS!

And, oddly enough, twenty years later, what i had written was almost prophetic~~ I had found an "antidote" to the daily grey and a way to connect with hundreds of people on a heartfelt level~~ through COLOR!

I am astounded and grateful. It's not about the money at all. It is about the fact that I am art and I am creation. We all are, really!

And I have never felt so valued for who I truly am.

This is a week I don't ever want to forget.

A mom contacted me to make two large tote bags for her twin girls who will be born around Thanksgiving. She wants one to be a cupcake and one a piece of candy~~ I am thinking "lollipop" so that she can put all of their hospital papers and things in their own bag. Then, she can direct her husband to the cupcake or the candy bag. She is so nervous and excited. it is really cute. Also, cute that people are just trusting me completely to create items that will be a part of very important occasions~~ births, birthday, and holidays. I love this job! I love what I do. It is really fun :)

Now back to 15 pumpkins onesies! lol